Happy Chrismahanakwanzakah!

Have a safe and happy holiday

My complaints about 2007

MySpace and the increasing criminalization of online communication/networking sites. It has long been a theory held by many that the internet "is evil," and should be controlled and censored. Bullshit. The internet and many of the online networking sites such as MySpace, Facebook, etc. are only a few ways in which to communicate with fellow man. True, some people take advantage of this ease of use in order to commit nefarious acts. That may never go away. It is up to the individual to educate themselves enough to not fall prey to those less-than-desirable characters out there. "What about my children?" you ask? Well, YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN. It is no one else's duty to ensure the safety of your children but your own. Monitor what they are doing online. Ask them who they've met online. Ask them to turn off the damn computer and go outside for once. Bottom line: BE A FUCKING PARENT!! (oh, and just a side note, as it pertains to complaints about myspace in '07: My MySpace friends list is not a ranking. The only people in my "Top 8" are there simply because there is no way that I have ever met them in person. I did this solely because I was tired of hearing "well, I'm not in your 'Top 8' so I must not be that important..." BOO FUCKING HOO!! Everyone on my friends list has either asked to be on there, or I have requested to have my electronic, web-based persona adorned with their smiling face, random booze pic or just a silly cartoonish pose. I have not ranked anyone and do not rank anyone in my life above any other.)

Reality TV. Reality shows are out of control. Whether its "A Shot at Love With Tila Teqila," or "I Love New York," these "reality" shows have been taken from their asinine roots in surviving tough physical stunts to surviving elimination rounds based on how much you can make the other person look like a turd on a plate in order to win the heart of the host. Ridiculous, to say the least. (Two posts in a row using "ridiculous?" Astounding, I know.)

Anna Nicole Smith. The amount of attention and media frenzy that was stirred up by Anna Nicole Smith's demise was quite the commentary on the stupefaction of America. The news outlets ran story after story on the matter, assuming that the masses actually wanted to know every single detail of the drug-addicted, failed model. First it was the death of her son. While losing one's son is truly a tragic event, people die in this (and others) country every single day without media attention. What made this so special? She was a celebrity. Ergo, people thought that we wanted to know all about the sketchy details surrounding it. Then, Smith herself died. The hullaballoo regarding her passing and her newly orphaned child was embarassing. It should have been embarassing to the media that it became such a hot item over other, more important national issues.

The Geico Cavemen. They originated in Geico's "It's so easy a caveman could do it" ad campaign. A sitcom given life from a string of television commercials will never succeed. Did they not learn from Baby Bob? We can only hope that the hiatus the show is on right now is permanent.

Britney Spears. Hmm... where to start? Ok, here's a list: 1. A 55-hour marriage, 2. Married one of her backup dancers and bought a chihuahua. 3. Has kids and has them removed from her custody. 4. Gets a divorce, shaves her head, goes in and out of rehab, generally displays actions similar to that of a fading celeb in a downward spiral. She hates the paparazzi that are constantly following her, but she always seems to find herself in front of their peering lenses. She craves attention, and when she's not getting it, she does something screwed up or screws up her life in order to gain that attention once again. Disgusting.

Soulja Boy.

My Ridiculous Christmas Wishlist

Here are some items that would be nice to have, but are either
completely ridiculous in nature, or just plain outrageously priced.

Home Health Spa
A portable hot tub, suitable for you and another person in a lovely back hair soup.
Price: $1495
Why it's ridiculous: Price, first and foremost. I'd NEVER pay $1500 for a tiny portable tub. Besides, I live in an apartment, and would have nowhere to put it. It's the thought that counts.



Wurlitzer One More Time Ipod Jukebox
Replica Wurlitzer Jukebox that you can plug your iPud into.
Price: $7,999.95
Why it's ridiculous: Let's face it. All it looks like is a pair of speakers for your already over-priced iPud. That, and I hate anything that has to do with the iPud. OH, and it also has a 100 CD changer. But, I really do like saying iPud. Ipud.



X3R Remote Golf Caddie
A remote-controlled cart to lug your golf bag around.
Price: $1,995.00
Why it's ridiculous: Ok, it's obvious I'm not a golfer. But, if you can't simply keep your bag on the golf cart, or you don't have the common sense to buy one of these, you probably don't have the physical energy to even be out on the golf course to begin with.

2007 Top Ten Lists

The year is coming to and end sooner than you think, and the "Top Ten" lists are already starting to formulate. Here are just a few that I've found.


fosfor gadgets.com - 2007 Top 10 weirdest USB drives!

From Bibles to Wookiees to Bowling Balls, this site lists the top ten weirdest USB drives/devices of 2007.




BuildingGreen Announces 2007 Top-10 Green Building Products

BuildingGreen.com shows us how we can be better earthlings by using "green" building materials, using less of Earths' precious waning resources.



About.com's Top 10 Music Lists for '07

Top 10 Pop Songs - Summer 2007

Top 10 Albums - First Half 2007



Popular Science's Worst Jobs in Science 2007

Whale feces, carcasses, garbology, OH MY!



W.A.T.C.H.'s 2007 "10 Worst Toys" List

I'm not quite sure which is worse, the "Lead-painted Bag-o-Glass Shards," or the cutely-named, "Jack Sparrow’s Spinning Dagger..."



World’s Worst Dictators

Hmm, there seems to be someone missing...

People getting punched just before eating

SNL

also, there's Punchy! From Wicked Awesome Films

Darth Vader's hidden talent

LiveLeak.com - Darth Vader's hidden talent

saying no to a police state

YouTube - saying no to a police state

Judge says "God hates protestors"

"Md. Jury Awards Father $11 Million in Damages for Church's Protest at Son's Military Funeral"

ABC News: Anti-Gay Church to Pay $11 Million

Select a Candidate 2008

"Answer the 11 questions below to find out which candidates are most aligned with your views and opinions."

Select a Candidate 2008

via

BACK!

Craponapapaya.com is gone, so now I'm back here. Look for more in the not too distant future.

My Desert

Skin boiling
Chest heaving
Eyes dried, shriveled
Clothes torn, disheveled
Journey through desert
Quest for meaning
Shoes full of hot sand
Every step painful
Oasis in the distance
Never grows near
A mirage?
A hallucination?
Falling, now crawling
Scratching, clawing
At the desert floor
Hands bloodied
Still cannot reach sanctuary
Peace and refuge floating away
Face down on a rock
My desert
Your mirage
A blurry vision in the roadway
Your love
My water
Arms under shoulders
Carrying, resuscitating
Refreshing, renewing
Healthy now
Atop the mountain
Perched with the hawks
Howling with the wolves
Energized by those who cared
And pale blue light of the stars
Peering down the cliffs
I see you there
You've found your desert
Eyes blurred with tears
Your pain mine
Your struggle, ours
Lifting you from the sand
Aloft and flying to safety
Safe sanctity of the mountains
We're there
Peering down
Readying for the rescue
Of another
Who's found their desert...

©Tim Whalen

Process

Driving down the street
People, places seem so neat
I don't know them
They don't know
An introduction starts to show
They don't know me; unaware
Of the weird-ass stories I could share
Do they want to hear
Or will they fear
This creature's
Half-baked speeches?
No form, no order
No boundaries; no borders
What I do and say
Drives me through the day
When I write
I sometimes fight
At home, alone, behind closed doors
The scripting process is rarely a chore
It's a practice that I preach
Not an easy one I could teach
Blank screens or papers
Encourage my capers
But sometimes mock me
As I struggle to break free
Of thoughts so cloudy
Eventually words flow
But not everyone knows
If when or where the next line
Will weave their thoughts with mine

©Tim Whalen

Rhythmic Events

coffee and a cigarette
ashtray full of nicorette
gum up the works
say hi to the turks
sippin a cup-o-mud
thinning out my aching blood
what the fuck was that loud thud?
feet upon the pavement now
stop to say how now brown cow?
shore is a-hot
we stop here a lot
look what I got
tied up in a knot
now we're driving in a cadillac
'cuz someone had a heartattack
gonna see the show tonight?
only if the mood is right
hope they didn't start a fight
now my fuckin head is light
fallin on the floor and I can't get up
rollin and a-groovin, I spilled my cup
starin at the stars
questioning the wars
fallin in my brain
ain't nothing insane
say a short prayer
in the warm country air
nobody recalls what we did down there
nobody recalls what we did down there
that ain't bad
it ain't good
do what you will
just stop when you should
quit while ahead
or you might be dead
pushin up daisies, food for the worms
shoulda washed your hands to avoid all the germs

©Tim Whalen

St. Patrick's Day '07

No one man should be allowed to consume that much Guinness and Jameson in one day. Thanks to my friends who made the day complete, and thanks to those who PAID ATTENTION to my "speech" at Malone's. (and thanks for having my back, with a vengeful force against the opposition)

some pics are here

For those of you who missed it, here it is:

Our Irish brothers and sisters
Are not physically near
But we still hold them dear
As we celebrate here

This Celtic day of celebration
Spurns our elation
For being alive
And trying to thrive

Lest ye forget
Their well-placed bet
They gambled on a free existence
In trying the English patience

Why do I wear black?
It reminds me to think back
To a time when we weren't all so free
Under oppression of an ill-conceived monarchy

So here's a cheer
To everyone here
Raise a glass
To the times that'll pass
Pass a beer to your friends
And hope it never ends
Because, dare I say,
We're all Irish today...
©Tim Whalen

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