Al-Qaida Stirs Up Earthquake

I was in the basement of my apartment building when it all happened. I was looking around in my storage unit for a notebook that I had stored in a box of random crap a while back. Right after I located it, I rearranged everything and put the lock back on the door to the storage locker. As I approached the steps to begin my ascent, I noticed something odd. It was a ski-masked figure dressed in Army fatigues creeping past the basement window. I frantically scurried up the stairs and into my apartment, securing the locked door behind me. I didn't know what the hell to think of what was going on. I thought someone was outside sneaking around in preparation to infiltrate and/or rob my apartment or that of one of my neighbors'. I readied my MagLight in preparation to defend my personal property in the event that I was going to be intruded upon. Standing ready for a fight or whatever, I moved one of the blinds in my kitchen window ever so slightly to peek at the outside world. As soon as a small razorblade of moonlight appeared on my face, I heard the sound of gunfire outside. Instincts overcame me as I dropped to the floor and got away from the perimeter wall. I worked up enough courage to crawl to my bedroom and peek out that window. I pulled the blinds away just enough to see a small, obviously American military squad hunkered down between some of the cars in the parking lot. They were mired in a battle with some turban-clad militia even further away on the same lot. As soon as I could make out who the Americans were battling, I noticed one of the enemies readying a rocket launcher. He launched the projectile and it flew through the air, striking the corner of my apartment building.

That's when I woke up. It was all a dream.

But, I was very disoriented at that point. Upon re-entering reality, I struggled to wrap my head around the concept that my room was shaking and the metal handles on my dresser were rattling.

Earthquake. I later learned it was an earthquake. IN THE MIDWEST. At 4:30am, a 5.2-magnitude earthquake struck along the Wabash fault, a northern extension of the New Madrid fault.

A sure sign of the apocalypse. Or whatever.